Dreaming

Sometimes when I think about my time in University, I feel like I may have dreamt the entire experience.
If I think about my performances, critiques, classes, and studying, I often wonder if I feel like I did worse than I actually did, or maybe I think I did better than what actually happened.

The other night I found a stack of papers from when I was in University. The vast majority of these were assignments from my music history courses, english essays, or noteworthy assignments that I was especially proud of.
While I was skimming through these, however, I cam across ALL of my peer and professor critiques about my singing performances. Some were from our weekly Studio classes, where we performed in front of a small group of people all instructed by the same professor. Other papers, though, were from larger Masterclasses that were stage performances in front of the entire musical student body.

I always felt that I had done well, but as the years went by it began to feel more and more like a dream.
Then I read these analyses from peers and profs.
There were statements like "lovely melismas" and "great colaratura section". Encouragement to get better breath, maybe concentrate a bit on posture, and (often) to be more animated in my facial expression for the bigger arias that required an entire character background to sing.

I remember practicing these songs not only in class, but in my car, at home, almost anywhere except the shower. I remember struggling and vomiting from the health complications I have - usually after performances. I also remember LOVING all the varying opportunities to sing in different languages. Memorization was one of my stronger talents, but I forgot how beneficial those peer reviews were. I mean, the entire program had a focus on critiquing each other. Although I found that most students practiced constructive criticism, it also allowed for some nasty criticism too.
I was lucky, though. I was in a very positive studio and, after reading those cherished sheets of paper, it was evident that our group was encouraging.

To be honest, it was just nice to see my accomplishments written by others on paper. Just in case I forget or have trouble remembering my talents, reading those reminds me that I did fairly well. That I should be proud of what I was able to do.